The second death

Suvi Teräsniskan Albumi 'Joulun - Henki' Nyt Kaupoissa! (Heaven in my lap)

Many of us have had a friend, a partner, a husband or wife we have loved from the depth of our souls, from the inner chambers of our hearts. After many years of love, happiness and safety, the walls are falling apart. You find yourself in ruins.

Like a lightning in the sky or a slowly moving winter storm, change inevitably approach your soul. You freeze of anxiety. Your centre hardly moves, and you watch in despair your inability to act. You have no longer a centre. In fact you find yourself in a void of emptiness. You fall. You keep falling. There is no end.

People tell you to smile more, have something to eat or even find yourself an interest. You can hardly move, because you are just about to be abandoned after all these years. Death itself seems like a friend. But you can't move. You can't act.

You dont really hear anything, and your eyes can't look through this mist of confusion. The food has lost it's taste. You struggle to feel the well known melting and cold sense of snow touching your skin. It is almost like everything moves in slow motion.

People think you are strange, perhaps even a bit odd. What used to be easy and natural, is suddenly overwhelming and almost impossible. Deeper and deeper you fall into your own abyss of darkness. You want to scream but your voice is silent. You reach out for a hand to pull you up, but everyone is busy walking away.

You hope that everything is a nightmare and that you are soon to wake up. The problem is that you never went to sleep, and no matter what you do, you can't fall asleep. It feels like hunting a ghost that is everywhere, but not where you go.

These are some of the feelings some of us experience when a person we have lived with a long time, walks out, never to return. The only difference to death is that the person is alive.

Soon a grieving process have to start. You will recognice the same feelings of loss, sadness, despair, anger, bargaining, forgetfulness, love and finally acceptance, as when a loved one has died.

Your feelings of attachment have to be released in order for you to transcend yourself. Without help it will take time, but it will happen. For some it will be very hard, because their loved ones are far away, not knowing what you have to endure. It is sometimes like the soul itself is in the fire. Slowly the loss and pain, transform you. Like the fire transform the iron into hard steel, it also transform your soul.

Meditation, chanting, counselling, breathing exercises, water, healthy food and physical exercise will assist you, but sometimes you have to be told.

There are times when you just want to die. That would certainly release you from your pain, but it would not make your soul evolve and learn. You would have to come back and try again. It is of course a selfish but utmost real feeling when you want to die. It is real. It is you. Death and birth are but two extremes of an eternal life cycle. You will in fact never die. You are eternal.

Don't be afraid. Instead of running away, you must walk towards the centre of pain. Like a hurricane you will find the centre point of no energy, where everything is calm. You can now observe the raging storm from inside yourself. You are safe.

Suddenly you realise that everything is an illusion, maya. You are slowly transcending yourself. At the same time you feel exaltation, you also feel sadness and the inevitable loss. What was earlier an impossible mountain to climb, now becomes an invitation of change. You are evolving. You can start to love unconditionally. You are healing. You are whole.

(My original family came from Finland)